You cant catch a boyfriend at a fetish club…or can you?
We were waiting in line to be married when he popped the question. After asking two lovely blonde burlesque girls we met a few minuets earlier to be our witness’s Malachi turned to me and asked, a bit nervously, if I would go out with him. Throwing my arms around him as we kissed, I think he knew my answer…
Let me explain. This was not your typical churchyard service. The “wedding” was to be held at Torture Gardens annual Valentines Day ball, the chapel was in fact a backdrop used for effect, and the only real standard wedding fare were the props, a ring, veil, and marriage certificate. However those paled in comparison to the empty alcohol bottle I pretended to swing as me and my new man posed on an upturned trashcan. “Will you love this man even if he gives you genital warts and goneria?” The priest (who with his spiky black hair and armloads of metal looked like he could have walked right off the set of a Motley Crue video) asked. “Hell’s yeah” I replied, trying not to laugh as he turned to Malachi. “And will you love, honour, and respect this woman when she gains 50 pounds and her hair falls out?” “Yup” he replied with a grin as a woman in a white netted ensemble and killer shiny PVC heels encouraged me to flash my garter belt as she snapped our pics.
After the deed was done, we wandered over to the striptease boudoir, a gorgeous large atmospheric room decorated with hearts, stripper polls on lifted podiums, and a wide flat screened TV playing old cinema clips of 50’s starlets, who seemed to be housewives by day and vixens by night. After checking out some of the burlesque performances as well as Kaori’s fabulous latex dreams show, The Velvet Underground’s “Venus in Furs” inspired me to do my own personal pole dance, leather whip included.
The music of the evening had something for everyone, each DJ having been a regular at TG for some time insured a good mix of Electro Clash, Glamour Trash, Neo Swing, Burlesque, RnB and Drum and Bass. Viktoria Modesta had a lovely live music set and the couples grinding in the Neon Love Ballroom couldn’t look happier. Other highlights included the alcoholic cupcakes for sale, a bargain at £3 when you consider the flavours ranged from absinthe to blueberry vodka and cherry bomb, plus you got the added fun of frosting. (Sophie’s chocolate baileys being my personal favourite).
Although the sheer size of the seOne venue and number of guests in attendance meant that TG could never achieve the closer, more friendly and welcoming environment as the smaller and more personal events such as Decadence and Subversion, the reason you attend Torture Gardens is for the sheer spectacle and broad range of events and equipment, and the Valentine’s Day ball had both in spades. The spinning circular suspension board attached to the shiny red PVC bed in the Striptease Boudoir provided me with some lovely lashings as couples embraced behind me, while meanwhile in the Dungeon, a large birdcage had been erected for some fantastic performances (both by professionals and armatures alike).
My advice for those planning on attending TG’s next event at Mass in March? Book tickets well in advance and arrive early. Events like these sell out fast and you don’t want to miss out on performances or wait in massive queue for entrance or photo booths. Besides, the wide range of activities and performances on display are guaranteed to keep you entertained until the wee hours of the morning.
